I get the question a lot from dads about what’s the best diaper bag. There’s an aura of desperation, as if they’re hoping I’ll unlock the wisdom of some talisman that can protect them from Lily Pulitzer paisley hell. As I work for you and aim to never disappoint, here ya go: GR1 is the most badass “diaper bag” ever built.

This is us all packed up and ready to go to the pool. Don’t look at Ryan if you have any questions, I don’t think he’s that kind of kid (yet), even behind those shades…

Monster on the other hand. Rewind an hour and we’re doing the layout and Monster heads right over, I’m your huckleberry.

OK, the why’s of packing what. Ruck Plates – walking is great, I love it. But rucking makes you tougher, and it’s easy to get your gainz like that. If you’re gonna walk anyway, might as well up your game and ruck. I wrapped the 20# handles in cut sections of a $1 pool noodle to increase its snug fit inside the back panel of my GR1. It also serves to protect the zippers. Highly recommend this approach.

The amount of stuff you have to bring for kids is staggering. And looking back some years now, I had no idea the importance Boudreaux, of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste, would have in my life.

You seriously want me to get up? Yes, Monster, you’re on the ruck that everything has to go in.

Sunscreen and Slammers and hats and more hats and if you don’t wrap baby bottles in koozies, they’re not as badass as they could be.

I bring a small med kit with me (almost) everywhere I go. Becoming a dad makes you responsible for someone you immediately love more than yourself. In that case, it’s exactly like being on a team of Special Forces guys. You’d do anything for them, including sacrifice your own life. It’s a feeling that unites servicemen and parents of any background. But med supplies – yeah, better to save a life you love than trade your own. A kit helps.

In it all goes fast fast fast neat neat neat. Time to go.

Babyators get Em every time.

Bottle in my back pocket and all of the everything we need in tow.

Always take the time to enjoy the moment at your destination. Beer helps.

Oh the generations of McCarthy wisdom Jack is learning, if I don’t say so myself.

My reputation precedes me on these kinds of excursions. I think I do better in the pool throwing kids around till they literally can’t stand it anymore. But as Emily reminds me often, sometimes too much is actually too much. So here I am in time out I mean on overwatch to the chaos, nurturing and caring for and protecting our second son blah blah — wishing someone would blow the whistle to send me in.

An hour later the call came.

100 more times too many and we’re almost there.

Is it possible to have too much fun? No. Is it great when the kids get so tired they just pass out? Yes. Exhausted kids are my favorite kind, something Emily says about yours truly as well, and victory is almost at hand with food en route.

Toss it all in and zip ‘er up.

Dad for the win.

Ryan’s like, oh really? You ruck the long way home and I’ll think about falling asleep before Jack wakes up. My solution, of course: my GR1 the most badass diaper bag ever built is still full of diapers and wipes and beers and everything we need to do whatever awesome comes our way, with a clean butt no less – so the long way it is.