The first event that I did was the Memorial Day Heavy in New York in 2015 with Cadre Jeff, Matt and Logan. I had never heard of GORUCK before and had no idea what I was getting into. The longest event I had done thus far was a 12 hour heat for Spartan races. I was currently training for the “Death Race,” a 50 to 70 hour unknown distance event and I remembered seeing GORUCK online, so I decided to sign up as training for my Death Race. I failed the PT test, but was still able to continue and we went right into a forced ruck march at the Cadres pace. We had four or five people drop out at this point already. We ended up at this beach off of the Hudson River and it was smelly and gross. A few more people quit and he sent us into the water and had us do rocking chairs.

I thought I was going to quit 1,000 times throughout the 24 hours but my team wouldn’t let me. At the end of the event, a teammate asked me if I was still doing my “Death Race” and I said I don’t think I’m doing anything for a long, long time. I was not physically and emotionally ready for the event, especially for the sleep deprivation. I called my boyfriend at the time and told him I needed him to do 3 things for me or we were through – 1. draw me a bath, 2. get me a lot of food and 3. be very, very nice to me. I sat in the bathtub and sobbed for a few hours. I can’t describe the pure vomit of emotions that sleep depravation causes. I had severely underestimated the mental preparedness needed for a 24 hour endurance event.

A few days later after I had recovered, I was walking down Fifth Avenue and I can remember feeling myself stand taller, proud of what I’ve been through. That is what I love about events and why I keep coming back.

The hardest thing about events for me turned out to be having to depend on my teammates to get though the event. I have bonded with people that I would never have crossed paths with because of GORUCK. It reminded me that we don’t have to have the same views or beliefs to be there to support each other. I also love watching and being a part of people recognizing their own demons kicking their asses.

What’s your go-to rucksack?

For my first event I used a ginormous military ruck that was longer than my torso. I had no idea what I was doing I bought a GR0 about 2 days after my first event. I still us my GR0 for training and my Rucker for GORUCK events. I use my GR1 as my EDC because of the laptop compartment and love my Bullet ruck for any day I am not going to work.

I started incorporating rucking into my GORUCK event training. I wanted to finish the 12 miler in under 2:30, so I set a pace goal for myself and met that goal. Now it’s something I do to spend time with friends and my dog. Nothing gets my pup more excited than seeing me put my ruck on.